Faberry and the machine
by trustmeImahealer
Summary: just a bunch of faberry that was inspired by Florence the Machine, warning it's all pretty angsty but I'm aiming to have a few lighter chapters later on! disclaimer: i don't own florence the machine or any of their songs which inspire the chapters, i do not own glee otherwise Faberry would of been canon a long time ago
1. Chapter 1

This was it; there was no other option for Quinn Fabray. The clouds loomed over her; much like her fate at that moment but the rain was yet to start as she walked along the bank of the lake, she had come here once with her parents back before her Dad had left. It, like most of the Fabray family holidays, wasn't an all that happy experience but when she hid herself away in the trees and immersed herself in some book she forgot about the heavy expectation on her shoulders. It was one of the few times she had ever felt free.

Now though it was an entirely different, she _was_ free now. If she chose it, she would have everything she had ever dreamed of and she could finally be happy. But, as always, there's a catch the one thing that frees her, that makes her happy and whole is the one thing that's trapping her. There is no way out this time, there never was really. Every duck and dive that has kept her head above water had no real effect in the end, it just built up to the wave of guilt and repression that was about to consume her.

The rain began to fall as she reached the bridge, scraping her knees on the sharp rocks as she clambered up onto the road, there was no traffic since the only people who came by here were campers and the odd tractor and given it was a cold damp Sunday neither were likely to show up. No one could stop her from doing this, no one would trap her again; this was her final chain and within mere moments, she would finally be released. The rain intensified and caused her wet sundress to stick to her skin, her bloodied knees shook in the cold but the sensations were lost on her. The only thing her mind could focus on was the tight pain in her chest threatening to crush her lungs. And yet she felt empty, so very empty and alone but still suffocatingly close.

Quinn looked on to the lake; so beautiful in the shadows of her memory but so desolate and dark now, not even the still water held the same serenity and the trees were a greyer shade of green. Everything she touched became like this, so broken and defiled, it broke her heart. Well it broke her heart a little bit more; nothing could really compare the pain she already felt.

A bright light tore through the rain, illuminating Quinn. It was only seconds till she realised that the light came from a certain red car that belonged to a certain Rachel Berry. There was no hesitation, no way could she face her now, she ran to the railing of the bridge and began to climb over it. That was until Rachel grabbed her with surprisingly strong arms and pulled her back onto the road.

"No! No!" Quinn screamed, repressed sobs stealing away from her. "You can't do this! It's not fair!" She chanted as Rachel held her and whispered soothing words to her. For a moment she felt safe, for the first time in oh so long she felt safe but it would end, as it always did. There was no way she would be able to deal with that again. She broke free from Rachel's grasp and ran back away from her.

"Quinn! Let me help you, I know you're struggling..." Rachel began, grabbing her friends arm and trying to pull her back.

"You know nothing! You don't even know who I am Rachel let alone why I _need_ to do this. No matter how hard I try I will always come back to this! And you will _never_ understand why, so let me go!" She yelled and released her arm.

"_Tell me_ Quinn! Let me understand, let me help you. With all that has happened with Beth and Shelby and loosing Finn it's no wonder you feel alone, but I'm here for you!" Rachel pleaded, slightly annoyed when Quinn scoffed at the mention of Finn.

"This has nothing to do with him, it never has. I don't give a damn about him! So long as he isn't with you!" She snapped, venom lacing her voice. She swore another little piece of her shattered when she saw the way Rachel winced, though she should be used to it by now the sight still pains her. Even more so as she sees the building of tears in the brunettes eyes.

"So it's me. You did this whole thing because you _hate_ me so much. I drove halfway across the state for you! To stop you from hurting yourself because Santana of all people rang me up last night and told me where you were going and that I was the only one you could stop you!" Rachel sobbed "Heck, I thought it was because you trusted me! How stupid and pretentious was that huh?"

Quinn stared at her, torn between telling her the truth and facing her worst fear or allowing Rachel to be hurt even more and repeat the vicious cycle that had been eating away at the two of them since they had first met. There was no escape, she was truly trapped this time and her one way out was being blocked. She turned to Rachel; the mask of hate fell from her face so she could see the pain on her features. It was strangely liberating to have nothing to lose.

"I don't hate you Rachel, how could I? You are, have always been, perfect." Quinn's voice was softer as she walked back towards her, her hand reaching out to dry Rachel's tears. "I can't hurt you like this anymore, I can't hate myself enough to compensate for the amount of forgiveness and kindness you've shown me that I never deserved. I've been lying Rachel, to myself, to you, to everyone and I've become something cruel and ugly in the process. I won't let this go, this is my redemption." She leant forward until she was cupping the other girls face and their foreheads were touching, Rachel's eyes were cautiously watching her own, she despised the fear that was evident within the chocolate orbs. "Please." She whispered as she shut her eyes and closed the distance between their lips. It started soft and sweet but became bruising so fast, as Rachel kissed back with equal ferocity it felt as if she could possibly heal herself and maybe they had a future. But all too soon she felt that pain seeping through the brunette's kisses and it became all too clear once more that there could be no future for them that didn't hurt the way it did now. She still would never be enough for Rachel.

She forced herself away from the kiss, leaving a disorientated Rachel behind her. She ran back to the railing and climbed over without hesitation, though the other girl was hot on her heels. Her own green eyes met with chocolate as Rachel reached her.

"Please Quinn, don't do this. If you jump right now, I swear I'll be right behind you!" She sobbed. She grabbed Quinn's wrist to stop her from slipping.

"No, no you won't Rachel." Her distraught features calming into a sad smile. "You have a future, you have Finn who as much as I hate to admit it he will make you happy, more than I will. So leave here get married to him, tell San' you didn't get here on time and live your life like you always were. features calming into a sad smile. "You have a future, you have Finn who as much as I hate to admit it he will make you happy, more than I will. So leave here get married to him, tell San' you didn't get here on time and live your life like you always were. You're a star Rachel Berry, and I'm just a cloud in your way." Quinn leant in to one last kiss and whispered "But please don't forget me." She released her hand, already hating herself for the selfish request that would be her last words. But they were out there now and she'd really rather not have to watch Rachel's pained expression anymore, so she jumped back and braced herself for the impact with the water.

The fall lasted just long enough to hear the other girl's anguished scream before she hit the water, it was by no means as quick as she thought it would be. For one thing the water was just deep enough to save her, so it was a few moments of consciousness before she hit her head on a rock. Quinn's body sank to the bottom of the lake with her mind on 3 years of stolen moments when she had been happy, most of them included the tiny brunette who was at that moment franticly swimming towards her.


	2. Drumming Song

**Sorry it's a short one, and it's not as fluffy as it should be to compensate for the last chapter, review, favorite do whatever you want but the more reviews i get the quicker i'll write, enjoy!**

Dammit, was the only thing Quinn Fabray could articulate when she came back into consciousness. Firstly because she was not only alive but in a hospital, judging by the lumpy bed she was lying on and the numerous beeping noises around her, but she was also was apparently in the middle of a Finchel domestic. Great.

Though she had not yet opened her eyes it was clear that both Rachel and Finn were at her side as she could hear the Diva's signature ranting, rather loudly considering she was right next to her, and Finn's typical whining following after.

"I can't believe you're asking me to do this Finn! She almost died for me, to protect me!" Rachel scorned, Quinn could almost hear the glare in her voice.

"And maybe what she was doing was right!" Finn snapped, though he sighed when Rachel gasped. "Sorry Rach but you haven't left her side in all week; the whole glee club is worried about you! _I'm_ worried about you! Even Santana said that you're being excessive and Quinn's her best friend!" His voice lowered, exasperation clear even to Quinn's blind position. "Listen, the Doctor said if she hasn't waked up by tomorrow then there is no further treatment they can do. I'm not prepared to watch you waste away by her side when she has done nothing other than make your life hell. I love you and I want to stand by you but she's poison. And I refuse to let her ruin us, when I come tomorrow night either she'll be awake and you will come back with me or she'll be dead and you'll come back with me." Finn's voice was cold, colder than Quinn had ever heard him even he was at his worst he had never sounded so harsh especially not to Rachel. She felt a soft hand slip into her own and it took all of her control not to grasp it, because if she showed she was awake she wouldn't hear Rachel's answer; that is her real answer not what she thought Quinn wanted to hear.

"I'm not leaving her, Finn. You weren't there…" She began but her boyfriend cut her off.

"Then tell me! Tell me what she could possibly of done or said to redeem all she's done!" Finn exclaimed.

"I told you I won't betray her trust! I don't have to justify my decisions to you and I certainly don't have to justify Quinn's. If you seriously want me to choose between you then you won't like my answer. So if you want to play it this way I'd appreciate it if you didn't come tomorrow, now if you'd please leave us." Though calm Rachel's voice leaked hurt. There was the sound of shuffling presumably from Finn leaving, the door creaked.

"Well, I guess this is goodbye Rachel. For the record, I hope Quinn wakes up so she can see just how lucky she is. Or even just so she can prove to you how misdirected your loyalty is." Finn said, the harsh tone returning in his words. The door creaked shut and Rachel almost immediately collapsed onto Quinn in a fit of sobs.

"Please wake up Quinn, I need you now. Please I need you!" She wept into her shoulder. Quinn couldn't stand it anymore, her eyes few open and she flung her arms around the brunette. Her voice was too hoarse to speak so she simply hushed to soothe the distraught girl. Both too tired to do anything like get a nurse or a doctor they fell asleep in each other's arms, content in the knowledge that neither of them were going anywhere at anytime soon.


	3. Rabbit heart

**a/n Can i just say that you guys are totally awesome at reveiwing and i love you all, so please continue to be so cool and enjoy this chapter. Hopefully it's worth the wait (sorry about that!).**

Quinn had been awake for a few hours now, it turns out sleep isn't all that appealing when you've been unconscious for a week. Then again it's impossible to complain when she had the love of her life in her arms, so long as she didn't think about the fact that Rachel was not, in fact, hers. So she continued to avoid that thought until the other girl woke with a jolt. Her face read a strange mix between confused and ecstatic.

"Quinn! You're awake!" She beamed but when Quinn opened her mouth to speak only a raspy squeak escaped. "Quinn?" Rachel frowned, though only briefly, as she realised what her friend needed. "Oh right, of course, I'll get you some water." She rambled as she poured a glass from the jug on the side table. She handed the cup to Quinn's trembling hands and stood up. "Honey, I'm just gonna get the doctor ok? I mean I'd love to stay here with you but until last night everyone thought you were a lost cause, out there they probably still do. So while the Doctor is looking at you I'm calling San ok?" Rachel's voice was much softer than usual, even softer than when she first found her on the bridge, Quinn had almost forgot what her voice was like without the underlying panic and pain. It was glorious.

Quinn nodded and smiled once she finished drinking, though she still felt the guilt nibbling away at her thoughts. What had she put the other girl through? All she had to do is stick out her senior year long enough so that Rachel would move on and forget about her and the whole of Lima, how could she be stupid enough to draw this much attention to herself? If last night had been anything to go by she had but Rachel through hell, no wonder Finn hated her. But Rachel didn't pick up on any of the turmoil behind her expression as she stood to get a doctor; she only laid a tentative hand on Quinn's shoulder and reassured her that she wouldn't be long.

Within moments of the Diva leaving the room a young doctor rushed into the room with a couple nurses tailing him. The doctor was in his early twenties, not much older than herself, with dark bronze hair and glistening emerald eyes that were wide in shock. The nurses behind him mirrored his expression; one, a young Asian man a bit older than the doctor, the other, a short round woman who appeared to be in her late forties.

After a second of shock the team quickly set to work, scribbling notes and checking monitors as the Doctor introduced them.

"Miss Fabray, I'm Dr Henry." Dr Henry quickly shone a light in her eyes and continued to scribble some notes "This is Nurse Andrew and Nurse Carrie. We've been treating you while you've been unconscious, now we need to do some tests to make sure your brain works properly. Do you understand?" His voice was soft yet authoritative as his gaze focused on Quinn, inadvertently making her uncomfortable at the closeness of the handsome young doctor, though he soon realised and moved back a bit with a sheepish grin. This was going to be a long test.

Rachel POV-

It took exactly 3 dials before a flustered Santana answered her phone.

"What's happened Berry? Is she alive? Oh God please don't tell me that they're turning her off already, do you need me to guard her or kill them or something?" The Latina barely breathed as she rambled out her doubts and concerns to the already frazzled Diva.

"Santana," Rachel began, her voice conveying enough finality to silence the other girl. "Quinn's awake."

The line went quiet for a few seconds as Rachel doubted whether Santana had heard her until the almost inaudible hitch of the Latinas breath was caught in her ears. After that the response was immediate.

"On my way Rachel."

The line went dead and she was left to wait for Santana's arrival.

Within 15 minutes a raging ball of Spanish curses flew through the hospital corridor and into Rachel. As soon as Santana caught sight of her she instantly straightened and composed herself despite how the two had seen each other at their most vulnerable throughout the ordeal, with Quinn now awake it seemed they would forget their tentative friendship and revert back to their old ways. But when Santana sensed the insecurity in the other girls thoughts, she quickly swept her up in a hug, effectively silencing the idea.

Santana POV-

"Have you been in there?" Santana asked softly, still holding Rachel's shoulders as she pulled away. She searched her eyes for any sign that Quinn may have snapped at her or told her that she couldn't stay with her, because she knew it would happen soon. Rachel may have had a few weeks to understand her feelings and sorting her priorities but Quinn hadn't, so the chances are she would wake with the exact same mind-set that had caused them so much hurt in the past. Even now she remembered when the broken girl confided in Santana the first time; it had been the first year of High school and given the two girls had been similarly moulding themselves into perfection over the summer they had grown closer than ever. But now that they had left the lives of "Lucy Caboosey" and "That Dorky Mexican Girl" behind them they were also beginning to see the deeper cracks in themselves, the less superficial insecurities, that no one was ever supposed to know and that had nearly killed them both; so rather than face up to them they simply made their disguise more complex, adding false flaws and secrets. It came to a point where Santana knew all there was to know about Quinn but absolutely nothing about Lucy and Quinn new about the same for Santana. That was until Quinn first started her assault on Rachel.

It was a shock to see one of her oldest friends, one of the sweetest and kindest people she'd ever known, be so cruel to someone who hadn't done anything. After all whenever someone tried to hurt them it was Santana who threw the first insults, threatening until the offender was suitably scared but this was different. Rachel hadn't done anything that would warrant what she received since all she'd done was have a crush on Finn, who Quinn didn't even like let alone love. After a month or so of subtle hints and the odd glare, she came across the Diva crying in a heap in the girls bathroom. What had further disturbed her was when she put a comforting hand on the other girls shoulder and Rachel flinched at the touch yanking away as if she had been scolded. It was then Santana had decided to confront her friend.

"I saw Rachel today." She had started casually flicking through a magazine on her bed whilst keeping a careful eye to watch the Cheerios reactions.

"Hmm is that so." Was Quinn's overly uninterested answer, there was definitely more to this than Finn Hudson, it was clear in the way her body tensed and relaxed at the same time when she heard Rachel's name and how her eyes darted to the door instinctively and how her hands gripped the sheets lightly as if to hold on to it.

"She was pretty cut up, Quinn" Santana lowered her voice so it had the same gentleness as when they were younger so Quinn would relax into the conversation. It worked for a second and she was sure she saw a flicker of guilt in her hazel eyes but they soon steeled.

"Why are we talking about her?" Venom laced the blonde's voice and Santana knew to tread carefully.

"I just don't understand why it's necessary to single her out, fair enough if she'd been trying to hurt you but she hasn't. I just don't want you to take this too far." Her voice was now as gentle as it had ever been but it made no mark on Quinn.

"And what is "Too far" exactly? Because I have only treated her in the way everyone used to treat me. Do you think either of us could have gotten away with trying to steal the head cheerleaders boyfriend back in middle school?" Santana had let the other girls tone get to her and her anger began to rise.

"But you're not like that! You said it yourself she's just like what we were like, and we still would be like that if it wasn't for each other pushing ourselves to who we want to be! So why are you turning into the same kind of monster we gave up everything to get away from?"

"Well maybe we need to step up to keep on the right side of those people, we need to be feared San'. We need to be as ruthless and cruel and Rachel is an easy target."

"I can't believe you! When I found her, she was crying on the floor in the bathroom and when I tried to comfort her she flinched. She flinched like I was about to hit her!" The anger was bubbling over now and there was nothing she could do to stop it, all of her focus was one breaking through the multitude of walls that guarded her friend, even if that means she had to break her own walls down in the process.

"Why the hell did you do that!" Quinn screamed with enough ferocity to make Santana's angry retort die in her throat. But seeing her reaction, the blonde broke down into sobs and for the first time in months she saw her friend. Santana rushed her into an embrace and savoured the return of her oldest confident. She felt Quinn shake in her arms and could have cried when she felt her tears dampen her skin.

"I'm so sorry San' I just need her away from me. I just need her gone from my life, she'll make me lose everything. I only need to look at her and it feels like I'm dying inside, it's scary. I don't have control anymore, she _makes_ me lose control." Quinn sobbed into her friend. It all became clear at that moment, Quinn was in love with Rachel Berry and that wasn't something she was ever meant to do.

"Quinn, you know Brittney Peirce?" Santana asked softly biting back her smirk when she frowned in confusion. She nodded and waited for the Latina to continue.

"I feel exactly the same with her as you do for Rachel. So I understand what you're going through here and I'll support you with whatever way you decide to tackle this, because I don't think either of us is ready to face it like we're supposed to."

"I don't know what you're talking about, our situations are entirely different. I know what you feel about Britt and trust me; I don't feel anything like that for R-r Berry. I hate her!"

"Right, right okay Q. Do you need me to join you on this? Because I want to help you but I just don't know if I can treat someone like that." Santana reassured, gently stroking the other girls arms.

"You can't give her any reason to be near me. If you can't help me then at least don't make things any worse. But this is who I am now, who I have to be, and if you can't stay with me now after all we've been through then I don't think we should talk at all. I mean I won't let you drag me back to middle school because you're suddenly getting a conscience." Quinn pulled away, effectively bursting the bubble that had been so long forgotten until that day. Santana was quick to rectify the blonde's anger.

"Ok! Ok, I'll do anything for you, you know that. I don't want to go back to middle school either; it was as much a hell for me as it was for you." Santana blurted with a desperate grab to her friend which Quinn luckily allowed. Tears began to re-emerge on the blondes cheeks.

"I'm sorry San, I didn't mean to snap. I just really need you right now." She sobbed, clinging onto the Latina.

"I'll always be here for you, Q. No matter who you become, I promise to always protect you."

In some ways Santana had always stayed true to that promise, throughout the fake boyfriends and supposed catfights, she had only done what was in Quinn's interests. Except perhaps what happened with Sam, but he honestly deserved better and Finn did seem to love her enough to keep her safe from the wrath of the glee club when they did find out. However it seemed she was wrong about Finn and he ended up breaking her in a way no one had ever expected she could be broken. After that Santana had felt so guilty that she vowed to Brittany never to interfere with Quinn's life ever again, unless it was desperate.

And the blonde ringing her up on a wet Saturday night announcing that she couldn't take it anymore, that was certainly desperate. Now though, wasn't quite as desperate; as she waited with Rachel for Quinn to come back from the tests, she mused on how close her and the diva had become over the weeks where Quinn was out. Close enough that she was reluctant to let Quinn push her away again and almost definitely break her heart. No, her input was not desperate at this moment but it was sure as hell necessary.

"Rach," Santana began and Rachel turned back towards her with wide eyes "When the doctor comes back out, let me speak to her first."

"No!" Rachel exclaimed a little too loudly to be appropriate in a sparsely populated waiting room. She lowered her voice "I can't leave her San, I told her I'd be back."

"You will be, I just need to know what she's thinking right now. I care about you both too much to let you rush into something that will only cause more hurt."

"I won't hurt her, you know that."

"Rach, she's been trying to squash her feelings for you since you first met. Her entire belief is telling her that she'd a terrible person for both how she's treated you and how she feels about you. She attempted suicide to escape that. That night was the first time she even said out loud how she feels and that takes guts. For her it's been a few hours since she jumped, you've had weeks to get your head around it. She's really fragile right now Rach and if she's pushed too hard she'll break again."

Rachel nodded at her friend's prediction. Doctor Henry burst through the ward door with as much enthusiasm as he'd entered it a massive grin on his handsome face.

"Hey girls, we're done with the tests now so you can go in. Only one at a time though, she's been through a lot and we don't want to overload her." The doctor gave a reassuring smile. "I'll take it Rachel's going first then?" He asked his green eyes glimmering knowingly.

"No, Santana's going first. Like you said, we don't want to overload her." Rachel smiled at me. "Is she ok physically though? Did she pass the tests?" The smaller brunette asked.

"Oh yes, yes she's fine on that level. Her brain seems to have healed itself while it was unconscious. It's just her emotional state we need to keep an eye on, so we'll keep her under observation for a week or so to determine whether we need to refer her to a psychiatric ward." The doctor smile warmly at the girls and proceeded to leave them to it. "Please go easy on her Santana; I don't think we have enough staff on duty to restrain you again!" Dr Henry joked as he passed them. But Santana still didn't regret her rather overemotional reaction when she first arrived at the hospital.

When she entered the familiar hospital ward her eyes immediately fixed on the broken blonde in front of me. I saw in her eyes that she knew why it was me and not Rachel who had been first to see her. It was time to face up to the past and make a decision, Santana could only hope that her friend made the right one.


End file.
